Tom and I left Singapore truly stressed out, winded by the travel planning and exhausted the moving logistics, as we put everything in boxes and then into storage. We were spent and desperately trying to stay positive. We looked at each other when we're finally on the flight, "we made it!" We aren't sure what words to use to describe the experience, is it joyful? is it relief? We felt some relief and a lot of hope that we will feel joyful soon. Deciding to book a comfortable (read: Business Class) exit was always the plan as we predicted how the exodus was going to affect our psyche. I am so glad we did that.
I won't elaborate about the travel here, you can go to our travelogue for that. Tom wrote at length there, with my occasional experimental videos and drawing posts.
One thing worth stating here, in case you don't know me well or only know me from a professional distance, I've always struggle with self-doubt, and a very harsh critic, mostly to myself. And over time, this does not have a positive effect on my overall well being. So from the start of this journey, I've just been extendedly exercising more compassion to myself and then to Tom, while eventually trying to slowly unpack in small dosage the emotional and psychological stress of the past few years culminating to this. The intention for this gap year for me is to course correct, to form new habits, and let go of ones that no longer serves me, and I felt there was a lot to work on. Without much further details, I guess this post would not be that interesting to anyone. But let's see how courageous I can be while on the mend. What I slowly realise is that I can start channelling my natural intensity to expand myself instead of letting the old crusty habits of overthinking and harsh self-judgements slowly crush me with that same intensity.
Bear with me, I promise I will elaborate on my process and struggles. It started with The floundering, the Fearsome and Loathsome moments, and the times when I behave in ways I am not most proud of. Maybe this is helpful later for someone somewhere. I hope by sharing with you my struggles and vulnerable moments, it helps all creative people feel less alone.